I feel it with every inch of my being…I’m never going to work again.
It’s been a whilst since I felt like this and always pulled back. This time I’m feeling ready to take on new challenges and really put my skills to the test doing things that I am passionate about.
Blogging is one of them in the hope that I inspire someone else to take a step off the middle road and to achieve their potential.
Then I love helping in animal rescue work and I would love a dog of my own yet know the money I would spend can be better used to saves more lives than just one.
Must not forget my love of Spain, it’s food, people and life style that suits me so well.
Not everyone knows about my passion for property, I love turning properties from something old and dated to a place filled with love and hopes. In fact every property I have lived in be it rental or owned when it has come to the time to move on it always flies off the shelf. I love that feeling of passing on something amazing. Here are a few pictures of my recent home and transformation, my lovely cat was exploring on that first day and he just had to check out every inch!
Recently though life has been very different. I was in a job that I hated. Well about 50% of it I loved and that was filling my passion for helping people. The other 50% was illogical and out of date systems that you got criticised over if you highlighted how improvements could be made and a very negative staff attitude. It was all about ‘me’ being OK with my 30 years of service and go read the instruction manual – which might has well been written in Chinese for all the sense it made to me. Yet no would listen to the fact that my learning style was to watch, be observed and make my own notes.
The training style was to coach the life out of their staff. Now coaching is great and I love it, it just has to be used correctly. You train staff first in their learning style. Then when they are competent you can coach to bring out better skills. You can’t coach a trainee who needs support and advice to learn.
It got to the point that even though I loved the customers and doing the right thing by them, as asked to do, but I would never reach targets because I cared too much! I would walk to work crying, put a face on for the customers and then by the time it was home time I would be racked with heart breaking tears as my soul was smashed. My partner would pick me up from work as I was too weakened to walk, just broken.
I was going to work to pay the bills, going to a place that was destroying me.
Night after night I had horrible nightmares of paperwork being thrown at me with red pen all over it, I was covered under the pile. They never had the time to help me ‘ just read the manual’…..then the dreams got worse. I would be on a tall building and I would jump and just as I was about to smash onto the floor I would see myself observing my fall and I was telling myself that it was a great thing to do. Scary.
My health suffered due to the stress and my thyroid medication stopped working as my poor adrenals were over dosed with stress hormones and could not maintain the conversion I needed within my body. I became weak and tired, isolated from everyone and not able to see any good in life, I was heavily back into all those horrible ME symptoms.
My partner must have been at his wits end as I went to bed sobbing and begging each night not to wake up in the morning. I still wasn’t able to hand my notice in as I’ve never failed in my life, I have always turned things around. Yes 2 marriages that didn’t work out but I clearly understand the learning I got from them. Then I got so bad that I wanted the dreams to be real and I began checking out the tall buildings I could access easily, that was the day I handed in my notice. I admitted I was a failure.
The next day though, showed me quite the opposite. It was an incident in work regarding a customer and I just wanted to explode at the injustice that was being suggested. That was it. Mind made up, no regrets, no looking back. I had not failed, I had chosen the wrong job in a company whose ethos did not meet my higher standards and it was time to move on.
I was asked by my Manager if I was sure I was doing the right thing, then she looked me full in the face for just a second and said ‘I can tell by your smile that it is right for you, I’ve never seen you smile so much’.
Just a month left and I had to think about a new life. My depression had completely lifted. It was about me making that decision, being brave to admit it was the wrong place for me and then I was shown exactly why it was the wrong place and my fear of failure changed to ‘what now….’ There is no point in fearing failure as it has so many lessons to teach you, learn and move on.
It’s not work when it is passion……
I still had a month of going through that door and dreading the day ahead yet now I had a focus. Get that pay packet in to cover me for 2 months and then rebuild my life.
I took steps to recover myself
- Getting back onto the right diet I’ve blogged a lot about this and it comes back to Spain!
- Making sure I was on the right medication and vitamins
- Focusing my mind on a healthier and happier future and driving those negative thoughts out by challenging them
- Meditation to calm my adrenals down from fight or flight to calm and normal
- Recognising that I don’t really know my path
- Being open to new opportunities and accepting them
- Contacting influential people in my life for support
- Taking action
Now I have reached a point in which I can take steps to move forward, it may not be my ultimate destination but for sure I am following my passion.
I love being with people so a bar job at Cabovino is right for me and I look forward to being a mentor to the lovely owner as she seeks to find her true direction in life.
Then by reaching out I have the chance to follow another real passion combining people and property in a really unique business with Aldertons of Spain. It’s hitting so many points on my passion list that I happily start my day networking and helping people.
May every day be a day you follow your passion rather than work.
Remember my steps to my better health and living by passion can be yours too. If you wish to contact me please do email firstname.lastname@example.org