Before I go into this….wow I have hit my 200th blog!
Normally I have bad dreams when my B12 goes low but this dream was different. If you do read my blogs you will see that I have been going through a low period of time. A time where I had lost my path and was following one idol and it did not feel right.
I had to stop and take a look at where I was and I returned to EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) also known as Tapping. I used this a lot when I was ill and when I could not even raise my arms I visualised the tapping on the points and slowly I found my movement returned. It felt like that time again in my life and I needed movement. This time it unfolded in a dream to me……….
I was in New York and I was walking through the foyer of a tall building. In front of me were the longest running escalators that I had ever seen. It was a choice of taking the lift up to the 6th floor, were the toilets were or using one of these most glistening and height defying escalators.
I took the escalator and was transported through the layers of human endeavour as I saw into light filled work pods, meetings happening and lively exchanges. A brown box proceeding in front of a defeated face, smiles and handshakes.
Approaching the toilet I walked through a group of youngsters listing their achievements that had led to their degree. Expanding the truth to become even more powerful than their achievements and how they were going to rule the world. Their energy filling the air with hope and expectation as they ran down the escalators and into a large truck. For some reason I forgot my needs, the toilet, and followed them, jumping into the van at the last moment. Feeling naughty at running away with them, for wanting to take their energy to release my depression that I was sinking into fast.
I was used to a life with a regular job, a business of my own as well. Money was never an issue, when I wanted a holiday I could have one. A new car, I only had to choose which one I wanted. Getting new shoes, just a case of trying them on and falling in love. My garden needed stocking so a trip to a garden centre. Life was not about massive luxuries, I did choose carefully but I was able to have what I wanted and normally when I wanted it or with a bit of financial planning (that bit came from my boyfriend and a conversation we had about him wanting a new bike, which now he could no longer finance!). A secure and safe future with a good pension. In the dream this was my life and in reality it was too. Now in my dream and again in reality I was suffering the flu.
Back to the dream, the job just paid the bills. I was alone in a place where no one knew me and even if they did they had their own lives to lead and me, well I was just an outsider. I was unsatisfied with my daily life and what it offered me, OH I could dress it up all I liked with sunshine, swimming each day in the sea, helping others to achieve the company’s goals whilst at the same time convincing them that they were getting something out of this too!
I just felt totally stuck and devoid of any joy in my life whilst these young people who I was so desperate to be near were full of life energy, laughter, friendship and even love of life.
Then, it all stopped, I felt the ground shake first, I heard the bang next and the flash of light. I was thrown out of the van and onto the sidewalk. I don´t know how it had happened but I was transported back to the horror of the Twin Towers on September 11th 2001. The sudden silence as we all turned to look and be struck by the awfulness unfolding.
I alone knew the outcome, I alone could tell people what they needed to know to help them save the maximum number of lives. People were rushing around, rushing into the building. They were shocked but acting in love and compassion. Forgetting their fears. The young men in the group I followed were all stunned into silence, it fell across the streets as we all shook our heads in disbelief. They started running. I ran too. All of us towards the building that was now smoking and tangled. I could hear my voice shouting, ´we have a limited time´, ´the building is going to fall´. ´Get as high as you can as quick as you can´. ´Tell people I know what is going to happen they must get out´.
Moments later the sirens started and I could be heard no more. I had information to give, no one would listen to me. I sat and realised the futility of having this information but now I had no voice to express it. All I could do was watch the horror unfold before me.
I woke then with a start. Shaking, cold and tearful. It was only a dream and I had probably related back to it because it was the biggest single catastrophe to happen in my life time.
I had been tapping (EFT, just ask if you want to know more) away for the last week because my life sucked, it was going nowhere and I needed to unravel what to do and the only way the Universe was going to catch my attention was by stopping me in my tracks and saying yes OK your life sucks, but what will you learn from this.
My only answer was ´hey I can´t go into work feeling this shaky´, time to meditate. Through that meditation I unravelled the meaning to me and of course it is not meant in any way to detract from the enormity of that actual tragic day.
I needed to share my knowledge. It didn´t matter if it came from University, or life, or all the studying and reading that I do. I do have a very valid message. I am unable to put my message into words if I am focusing on my need. Be it the need to get the message out, the need to be heard, the need to put food on the table or even yes the need for a nicer and more reliable car!
That day in 2001 was heart-rending, yet one message that came to me in my meditation was that it was a message to me about love. Those young guys growing big, puffing out those chests, on their talk of degrees, threw all that aside to run into a dangerous place and help. An act of faith. The people who were trapped and lost lives were no doubt fearful of what next, death not an easy option, yet we have heard so many reports of messages being left on answerphones not of regret or fear but of love and hope. Passing on dreams for the future, telling their soulmate that love was always going to be with them.
My message was to act in love, not my need to get my message out. To shake up peoples lives so that they could live in the hope that so many left behind on that day. I am scared about taking my leap of faith.
I said I´m an avid reader and a strange book for me recently has been Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. It must have been a passage I had read just before sleep and this dream that led me to connect with the word SoulMate.
An Oxford Learners Dictionary definition includes – person that you have a special friendship with because you understand each other’s feelings and interests.
Eat, Pray, Love definition is ´ a soul mate is a mirror, the person that shows you everything that´s holding you back, the person who brings you to attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.
I like the definition from the book so much more and am now going to look at how I can use it as an idea……. The dream was me, meeting my soulmate, my mirror……..