The first step has happened.
I’ve given up my home (rented out so I can go back).
The job has gone and I would be homeless except for a wonderful man who has agreed that I can stay with him for a few days. Then we go off on holiday together and I feel like this is the start of the real adventure.
But hang on a minute, here I am after years of living in ‘marriage’ and being unhappy, then years of living alone with a male visitor and being happy.
Now its the chance to live together, with a time limit!
Are we ready for this, will it work out and will it make life harder when I do decide my future is, maybe only temporarily,elsewhere.
The first few days and its bliss, happy, cuddles and all is OK with the world.
Maybe the cats are a different story as lovely boy Ginger, the one who has been with me through different people in and out my life, 8 homes in 3 years and too many tears has decided to take a downturn – he’s been ill a while now and the vets are amazed he’s lasted this long! The tears flow as my partner and I cuddle each other realising that tonight could well be the last night that Ginger slides into bed at 4am. He’s not eaten, or drunk in 3 days. He’s lifeless and miserable. His fave trick is when the cold hits him at about 4am, he gets into bed and curls up in the space between my curled up legs and my tummy. In fact to be honest he has not got the energy to move from the chair I left him on and I want to go down at that cold hour to cuddle him and thank him for being one of the true loves of my life. Always there running to greet me, never complaining and yet now lifeless and unhappy. So as I remember the wonderful times I ‘tap’ that he will not suffer and that I will accept with grace and thankfulness the good times we have had.
Next morning, he’s there. Demanding breakfast, he’s ravenous, alert, ears up and ready for toilet and food though not sure in which order as he is so demanding. Is this the same cat as last night, did the tapping work a miracle?
No matter what is happening, be it my partner and I having time to live together, or Ginger becoming ill the one thing that is now happening is this!
I’m steaming forward into something new.
It’s unstoppable and no matter how much it hurts me to
- leave my partner after a joyful time of sharing a home and life together
- leaving my poorly cat who knows more than a cat should know
- see pictures of a place I love so much and yet I know I’m not fulfilled there
- leave wonderful friends behind, though knowing with a huge smile that those who care will be visitors……
For those who do not like change, I want to tell you that every second of every day a small cell of your dies. In its place grows a new cell. Your whole body, every cell is constantly changing, so perhaps we need to accept that Change happens and we need to accept it. Relish it, forgive it, remember it and in all cases….Accept it and Enjoy it!