There has been a lot written about the different languages we speak when we are in a relationship. Did you know that there is another language and often it’s one without words! Can you understand it?
First of all here are a few questions for you and I really want you to take time out and think these through…….
When was the last time you felt loved and appreciated?
Take your time to really remember when it was, where it was?
How it really made you feel?
What exactly was happening to tell you that you were really loved?
Now if you were to ask your partner exactly the same questions would you get the same answers?
Probably not, as we are all unique and that means that we all ‘feel’ love differently. If that really is the case then is it any wonder that sometimes ‘love’ gets lost in the translation.
I believe in many kinds of love. The love for your parents is different to that with your best friend. The love for your partner is totally different to that for your children. You can also love the beautiful sunset or a favorite ice-cream! Yet we all show and feel love, yet often in different ways.
But back to the language of love it’s not always the words
‘I Love You’
that tell you that you are loved, it could be that your loved one has there own language.
So which one of these is you and which one your partner, best friend, parent?
Some people are not comfortable saying the big words attached to the big meaning of ‘I Love You’. Some people don’t even believe in the notion of love and I guess that means they miss out on lots of wonderful moments and may live their lives scared of the release, pleasure and yes pain that love can bring.
I always wish my parents had said things to me like ‘ they were proud of me’ that ‘I’d done well’ that maybe I was ‘important to them’ – as these are often a way to disguise the I Love You words by saying unsolicited compliments.
Words can also hurt and you may find insults more harmful than they are intended and the may not forgive easily!
Being there – is important to you. Spending time with someone and that time is full and undivided attention. The rest of life, TV, mobile phone are all put to one side as you make the other person feel truly special loved and listened to.
People who postpone, cancel or turn up late hurt you more than they will ever know. You wonder if they think you are special if they reach for the TV or phone when you want to spend time with them!
Gifts are not about big and expensive. It’s about thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. It’s about getting something for your loved one before they even asked for or needed it. Perhaps it’s your prized possession that you are happy to loan. Its all about the perfect thing for the moment.
So if someone misses your birthday or gives you what you consider to be a hasty gift then it can be disastrous!
The little things that mean a lot
‘I’ll do that for you’, it could be loading the washing machine, emptying the dish washer or taking out the bin. Those little tasks that someone else will have to do but you will do because you love. Housework, the gardening, running to the shops, posting a letter can all be expressions of love.
People who make more work for you, don’t do things when you ask them to will show you that your feelings don’t matter!
It’s not about the sex, though yes that’s good, it’s more about the small contacts. The hugs, the hand holds, the pats on the back and touches on the shoulders, arm and face that matter to you. You show your concern, love and care by little contact with the people you love. For you the physical presence and accessibility to your loved ones is what matter most.
If people you love keep their distance from you or neglect to make contact with you then you wonder if you are loved by them!
So many ways we can show love and yet also believe that we are not loved.
My challenge to you is to find out what is your way of showing ‘I Love You’ and then take stock of those you love and listen to how they tell you. Try to reach a compromise language and the world could be a better place for you and for me! (I think there is a song in there some where!).